Well, I'm skipping school today because yesterday was without a doubt the worst day of my life.

Through a series of unfortunate events, my best friend found out that I cut myself. Then, my school counsellor found out and called my mom. (She also suggested that I see "help." ...bitch...)

Now, I have an appointment with my doctor to get on anti-depressant Tuesday.

Plus, I hate all my friends. I hope they all live horrible lonely, miserable lives. And it absolutely pisses me off that they are judging me for this.

"I'm sorry, guys, but I don't have a perfect life like you do. For me, it's a lot harder than you'll ever understand just to get out bed every morning. Unlike you, I have to put on a fake-ass smile to survive. SO FUCK OFF!!"

Sorry, I really am crazy. I don't know where that came from.

No really, I haven't talked to anyone since yesterday. I don't think I'm going to. (Oh yeah, they also told my mom that I don't eat) Now, she's basically forcing food down my throat.

I swear, I wish I had a gun sometimes. You know, I don't get it. They keep saying  that they're doing this for me. What I don't get is why they don't understand that the more they push me, the further away I'm going to run. One even said, "Now, Claire, I know you probably want to hate me, but I'm only doing this because I love you and I want you to be healthy." ...bullshit...

They should know me better than that. They think they're "saving" me. No my friends, in reality (you know, that shit-hole that I cut myself to forget about), what you're doing is convincing me that my life really isn't worth living. You're making me WANT to die.

Before, I didn't cut to die. I cut to deal. Now, I press that blade even harder. I just dare my heart to stop beating. It wouldn't be so bad if I were dead. Sounds like a good idea to me.

I feel lonely.

Somebody leave me some kind of message please.

FUCK!

I hate myself.

I've eaten shit for the past week, I can't get back on track with my diet.

I'm screwed. I don't have any self-control.

I hate my life.

I just wish the world would dissapear. I do so much better on my own. No family forcing cookies down my throat, no friends asking me to go out for dinner, no guys to grab some snacks with for the football game. NO ANYONE.

Hell, I would be so much better off if I were dead. I just can't muster up the courage to press that damn blade hard enough!!

"Only a little pain, then its over... Its all over."

Oh god, Ive just been inspired to try again.

Let's go see what we can do, kids.

Hopefully, you'll never hear from me again!

Well, today sucked. What's new?

My math teacher had a nervous breakdown and we didn't have to do anything. That's always a plus.

Today in Euro we were talking about the hurricane situation. We've decided that a hurricane IS going to get them. They should give up the fight. It struck Louisiana, some of them got away to Houston. Now another one is headed for Houston. And, we're getting a lot of them here in Arkansas. Bullshit is what I think. Bring 'em here so we can get blown away too? Bullshit. ANYWAY, we decided that we should put them all on a bunch of boats. We could tell them that they are getting a free cruise or something. But instead, we should send them straight to the hurricane. "Here ya go Rita!! They're all yours!"

I actually found it VERY amusing.

The rest of the day blew. Stupid teachers, pupils, so-called "learning materials." But tomorrow is Homecoming. Not that I give a rat's ass about that. Its just that we get out of school early. Supposedly for an assembly, then a parade. But I'm so skipping that crap. I don't know if I want to go to the game. I hate high school football.

I have to go to my Dad's this weekend so I won't get to go party... damnit!

That's okay. Next Friday I'm taking a college day. (In actuality, I am skipping a DAY of school for a 30 minute meeting.) Hell yes!! So I am going up there Thursday night, staying Friday night, and Saturday night. If everything goes as planned, all weekend I'll be too drunk to remember my own name.

I LOVE COLLEGE LIFE!!!

Let's see... today, I've had 120 calories. DOIN' GOOD! Yesterday was a disaster. I had like 1500. But I'm back in control today and loving it. I may eat some kind of something for dinner, but by now, there's no way I'll get even close to binge numbers.